I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize