you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
