there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
