He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
