I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize