I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
