I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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