Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We are all done wearing pants today
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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