oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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