So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
