I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you still have your period?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
