If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
