the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
