im holly from the hills drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
