the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my shit smells like andre
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
