Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
