i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
