giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
