dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just gargled with NyQuil
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
