Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
