I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
