Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
