You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just googled if crying burns calories
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
