I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
