"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
