doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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