Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
