guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
