There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
