did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize