i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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