it was like eating out sand paper
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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