tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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