i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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