I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
