it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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