I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
