There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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