I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
