You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
