dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
