if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
