So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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