All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
