where does the pee come out of this thing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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