I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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