Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
