we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
