is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
