This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
