There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
