I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
