I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
