I just saw a hot homeless man
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
