i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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