that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
barbara walters just said penis...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize