i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
