FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
