in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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