dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
