I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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