She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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