I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
