it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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