I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
