What a fucking waste of an outfit
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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