She is in my trunk
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
