even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
